Blurred Lines
by CJ Jade
Summary: AU Story of Chris Hobbs. Please read before you review. Contains Slash!


**Author Notes:** This is just a piece I did as a dare a long time ago. Justin never confronted Chris in season 4; they haven't faced each other since season 2 episode 4. This was my first real attempt at Slash.

**No bashing because you hate Chris! He's not my favorite either for obvious reasons. Before you review read!**

**Pairing:** Brian/Justin; a slight mention of Ethan/Justin (if you blink you'll miss it, lol); Chris/OC

**Summary:** AU Story of Chris Hobbs

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Queer as Folk or its characters.

**Rate: **NC-17

**Season: **5

**Category:** Romance/Slash

**Spoilers:** The whole series

Chris sat on his bed just starring at the wall; how the hell did he get here. August 29, 2002 for most people that day meant nothing but for him it marked the day he met Nathan Samuel Grey. He only remembered the day because it was the first of many days where he didn't hate being at the hospice. Nathan was there because of his best friend, Frank. Nathan knew who he was had seen him on TV but he didn't care; actually he claimed there was a reason they were pulled together.

As the weeks of his community service continued Chris remembered how he came to rely on Nathan. Nathan would come to sit with him on his break, they would talk on the phone, even went to a couple of movies. For those brief weeks everything was fine; but then of course it had to be ruined. Turning over in his bed he looked at the clock; he remembered that cold January morning he got the call.

Closing his eyes he felt himself being taken back to that day. It was three in the morning on January 3 of 2002. He remembered cursing the phone as he went to pick it up. Lucky for him his parents were still out of town on holiday; his father had taken his mother on a cruise for the holidays. Nathan's voice was shaky and broken—Frank had died. Chris didn't think twice he quickly got dressed and rushed to be with him; rushed to say goodbye.

That was the beginning of what Nathan called his growing up phase. Chris sat up in his bed remembering the funeral. He sat next to Nathan who was shaking so bad that he couldn't stay still. He and Frank had been friends since they were three years old; so in reality it was like he had just lost his brother. Frank was straight but caught HIV from his first girlfriend when he was only fourteen. He had lived ten years; from what Nathan said Frank's had to battle everyday for those years. From day one it was a fight to keep the virus levels down; so Frank made sure to live each day as his last.

To help Nathan stop from shaking Chris remembered taking his hand. He didn't think much of it; he just held his hand. Nathan squeezed his hand back as if he was saying thank you. It wasn't until; someone came up to them that he realized they were still holding hands. It wasn't until someone asked Nathan if this was his boyfriend that Chris felt himself unable to breath. He just walked off no Chris shook his head in shame. Chris Hobbs ran leaving a shaking and broken Nathan on the door steps of that church; until a few days later when Nathan popped up at his house.

"_You are a heartless jackass you know that," Nathan yelled as Chris let him enter his house. "I stood up for you; I told everyone you were a good guy." _

"_Nathan," Chris whispered. _

"_No…do you actually regret nearly killing that kid," Nathan asked harshly. "Or is it something you are proud of." _

"_The thing with Justin and me was complicated," Chris yelled back. "I never meant to hurt him I just…I lost control." _

"_I needed you," Nathan told him as the tears began to fill his eyes. "I had no one…all of my friend left me for standing by Frank." _

"_I know," Chris sighed rubbing his eyes. _

Chris stood up from his bed going over to the window to look outside. That was what began all; that was what made him start to grow up. So Nathan liked guys, he could learn to live with that. Like Nathan most of his friends had all but abandon him because of what happened between him and Justin. So he needed someone he needed a friend; so he grew up. He hugged Nathan that day; he hugged him to prove to Nathan he could do it. He didn't care about the fact that Nathan was gay.

In the coming months Chris actually realized he didn't care. Nathan and him would be sitting out somewhere or seeing a movie and he would say something about some guy. Chris would roll his eyes or he would point to some girl and Nathan would do the same. Nathan became his friend no friend wasn't the correct word. For over a year Nathan was the one person that Chris could count on. Nathan in a small way became his entire world because Chris knew now that without Nathan he wouldn't have survived it.

The first anniversary of the prom went by quickly Nathan never brought it up. Then Chris made a joke about it being the day they met and Nathan swore next year he'd get him a gift. Then the holidays came again; his parents once again left this time for a trip around Europe. Chris spent Thanksgiving with the Grey family; then he was back for Christmas. On New Years Nathan decided he wanted to stay in; and Chris was okay with that. It was getting to be the one year anniversary of Frank's death. On that day Chris called in he spent the entire day at Nathan's.

The next months just went by so fast. He heard from various people that Justin had left his older boyfriend for some musician. Chris was shocked to say the least he figured after all the hell they had been through they'd be together for awhile. But than again maybe because of all the hell they went through they just could not make it work.

Then it happened; Two years since prom. He wanted to watch it go by just as it did last year but Nathan said no. He thought it was time for Chris to face up to his demons and accept them. Justin Taylor was something he never spoke about. Chris turned from the window as he remembered what he yelled that night in that garage as Nathan pushed him. Okay he didn't hear from various people he made sure to know what was going on with Justin. He needed to know what he was up to; claming so he could stay out of his way but that was a lie.

"_I loved him," Chris yelled at Nathan who sucked in a breath shocked._

"_Loved," Nathan whispered shocked. _

"_Oh god," Chris mumbled falling to his knees as the memory came back to him; as the smell of blood and sounds of cries and sirens came back to him. _

"_Oh Chris," Nathan whispered falling down the comfort him. _

"_Justin was perfect," Chris said softly as tears started to fall, his back fell against the cement wall of the car garage. "His blonde hair blue eyes…and when he smiled…it was like you were looking at an angel." _

"_I don't understand," Nathan said shifting as Chris head came to lie on his shoulder their finger intertwined. _

"_I wanted him so much but it's not right," Chris whispered almost as if he was ashamed. "I'm not supposes to want a guy, but I wanted him. Then he walked in and I just saw red."_

"_You lost control," Nathan said repeated what Chris had said a million times. _

Chris didn't remember going back home that night but when he woke up there he was. Nathan was too good to him he should have just left him. And for weeks none of them talked about his confession but then Nathan did. Chris groaned rubbing his eyes at that time he refused to accept the idea that he wanted a man. His father would have made what he did to Justin look like a bump on the play yard if he ever found out. So Nathan gave him space but then the Stockwell campaign began.

He watched Nathan and his friends get worried about what would happen. At first Chris didn't think of it he was straight after all but then Nathan started to get scared. As Chris listen to Stockwell talk he realized it was like listening to his father; the same old fashion ideas. These were the same ideas that marriage was between one man and one woman; that gays and lesbians were wrong and immoral. Chris remembered going to vote; he remembered how something inside of him glowed as he picked the other guy.

Of course that was not the only thing that sparked inside of him; that night he gave into temptation he kissed Nathan. They were in Nathan's apartment listening to the polls and when they said he lost, they both lost their minds. They jumped off the couch and hugged; without thinking Chris grabbed Nathan and he kissed him. Nathan he remembered was shocked but kissed him back. After they pulled apart Chris remembered making an excuse to leave but then three days later Nathan was there to once again change his life.

"_I'm not gay," Chris told him. _

"_You kissed me and you liked it," Nathan yelled back pulling him to look at him. "One day you'll have to face what you are, that it's not wrong or abnormal to be gay." _

"_Nathan," Chris whispered. _

_Nathan cupped Chris face smiling as he closed his eyes, then groaned as their lips met again. This time Nathan didn't hold back he let all the anger, the passion and the desire he had kept bottled up for two years. Chris moaned into his mouth as Nathan pulled off his jacket. Pulling his shirt out of his pants Chris made a sound the moment his hands touched his flesh. Chris had tried to remain calm until that moment; then in that moment it was like he came alive. Grabbing Nathan he devoured his mouth. _

_Chris knew the moment he heard the sound of his buckle he should stop this but he could not stop it; it just felt too good. Chris could not count how many girlfriends he had at St. James. They were always the girls the other guys wanted; he made sure that everyone knew how far he got. But none of them kissed as great as Nathan. Even with the girl he was kind of seeing now; Chris never felt that kind of need not since that day with Justin. Chris' heart stopped when he heard something creak but he did not want this to stop, so he pulled Nathan along to his bedroom. _

_He felt Nathan's hands on his belt the moment the door slammed shut, and then he felt his pants slide down his legs the moment the door lock clicked. Falling on his bed Chris closed his eyes as Nathan went to work on his growing erection. Nathan was not gentle and Chris loved every moment of it. Grabbing a handful of Nathan's hair Chris shook his head back and forth as he came hard and fast. Chris was blown away; it had never felt this good. His still best friend Parker once said he wondered if gay guys give better head than women; well Chris could honestly tell him yes they did. Or at least Nathan Grey did. _

_Chris pushed Nathan off, Nathan went to say something but Chris pulled him back down to kissed him hard and hungrily. Chris hands were already on his belt, Nathan smiled against his lips. Nathan leaned forward to Chris's nightstand to where he knew Chris must keep his condoms. Nathan almost thought about going bottom but there was no way. He knew Chris like to dominate and if by some chance they did this again Chris would want to take the lead. So Nathan relished in the feeling of dominance and power. _

_Closing his eyes Chris hissed out loud as a part of him that had never been stretched was being stretched. At first he thought Nathan would just go inside of him, than he thought he was giving him another blow job. But Chris realized he was preparing him; then Chris felt him entered first with his finger, then with something larger. Grabbing onto his sheets Chris was not prepared for this, he was not prepared for the power that Nathan held. Nathan knew what Chris wanted before Chris did. With each thrust Chris felt himself go higher and higher; until he wanted to explode—did explode. _

How many times did they make love that day, how many times did Chris secretly go to his apartment? At first Nathan was okay with them being a secret. Chris looked down at his hands he still did not think he was gay. So he fell in love with two different guys, so the only good sex he ever had was with Nathan. So what if he would rather wake up to the smell of Nathan than that stupid rosy and vanilla crap his than girl sprayed he was not gay.

After the election the Holiday season came; his parents left his time for Jamaica. Nathan asked him, when was the last time he actually spent the Holidays with his family? Chris thought for a moment and the last time was when his grandfather Hobbs was alive. After he died the family just slowly fell apart. He made an excuse as to why he could not go to his girlfriend's house; so he instead stayed with the Grey's again. Christmas came; he got Nathan an extra special gift.

Than on News Year he spent some of the night with his old friend and girlfriend but he could not stay away from Nathan. So he pretended to be sick off something and left the party. So when the clocked chimed midnight when the world was welcoming 2005 in; he was in bed kissing Nathan. But that did not mean he was gay; not until January 4.

Nathan and he had their biggest fight yet to date. His so called best friend Parker made a comment about gay men; a comment about Justin and his partner Brian. Chris wasn't listening to him to be honest he was too busy thinking. His father wanted him to intern with him this summer; he wanted Chris to be a doctor just like him. So when Nathan stormed off Chris followed; not understanding why Nathan would be so upset. He knew Parker did it on purpose; Parker did not like Nathan.

Over a month; Chris tried for over a month to get a hold of Nathan with no success. He took that as a sign; this was not supposes to be. That was what he told himself the first week the second week was that friends go through tough spots. When the third week rolled around he was miserable that in a moment of anger he broke up with his girlfriend; or at least that what he blamed it on. During the fourth week Chris was to the point where he wanted to explode; a mixture of anger and sadness over flowed. Parker blamed it on his break-up; telling him to just swallow his pride and accept what he did was stupid and wrong.

Chris laughed as his head hit the wall because Parker didn't know how right his words were. Of course Chris took his words for Nathan. It was a few days before Valentine's Day when Chris found himself walking the streets of Liberty Ave. He walked around watching all the couples, hiding his face because some of them knew who he was. And he was afraid one of Justin's friends would see him, because Justin Taylor was a legend around here. Afraid that those friends would want to know what he, Chris Hobbs, was doing in their world. He saw the newest threat to the gay world—proposition 14. He knew congress was voting on it in a few month and they were making their voices heard.

"_I'm gay," Chris said without hesitation as Nathan opened the door._

"_And," Nathan shrugged pretending that he didn't care anymore, but Chris knew better. _

"_And I love you," Chris told him getting Nathan to smile then frown just a quickly. _

"_You live a life of secrets and lies," Nathan sighed softly fighting himself internally. "I can't live my life like that…I'm sorry Chris." _

"_I don't want to live like that anymore," Chris argued getting Nathan's frown to alter to a passive face. _

"_You say that now but when it comes time to stand up," Nathan began as Chris motioned for him to stop._

"_What if I can prove to you that I want to live like that too," Chris begged, he could not lose him—he would not lose him._

If you asked Nathan now Chris knew he would tell people he always had faith in him, but he didn't. Nathan liked to laugh it off as epic love; that he would have waited forever for the man he loved. But Chris knew the truth that had been his last shot to prove himself once and for all to Nathan. If he failed him this time he knew there would be no going back, he would have lost Nathan forever. He still did not know why Nathan believed him that time. Chris wondered if it had been the look in his eyes, or maybe the fact he could say it out loud, he, Christopher Hobbs was gay.

Or maybe it was the fact that Chris grabbed Nathan and kissed him in the middle of the hallway of his apartment building a second later. Public displays of affection were an absolute no for Chris. From a brush of a hand, to a hug, or even standing just a little to close; Chris always made sure there was space between them. He was so afraid people would find out his secret. That they would find out what happened when Nathan closed to door, that they would find out who he truly was. But there he was standing in the middle of the hallway kissing him. He believed him even more when Jacob, Nathan next door neighbor walked past them laughing. Yep that Chris knew had to be it.

_It was Valentine's Day and Chris had the entire night planned out, it was supposes to be perfect but of course everything went wrong. First it was the waiter that gave them dirty looks when Nathan took his hand. Then it was Parker and his date showed up and Nathan watched Chris freeze up. Chris looked at Nathan who was dropping his head; knowing what was going to happen. Nathan had almost believed that this time might be different. _

_Looking over at Parker he nodded at Chris. Parker didn't think about why they were there just assumed Nathan was taking him out because of his recent break up. Chris looked at his date; she was like the last. She wore a dress that was too short and way too tight. Chris knew that tomorrow he would get the full review of the girl; because Parker was no gentleman. He knew he was about to lose his best friend but than again he really wasn't his best friend. Chris put the money down grabbed Nathan's hand and pulled him over. _

_Nathan smiled softly hoping Chris was going to do what he had been dreaming about him doing for years now. Chris saw several couples look at them. One of the couples were two women that he was sure now were lesbians. Because they giggled and took hands; like seeing them meant it was okay to show it. Chris felt sad by this; that people had to be afraid to show their love; felt sad because it was people like eh sued to be that made it this way. Parker still had not moved his attention; to busy laying it on thick. Which from the way she was acting Chris could tell it wouldn't take much._

"_Hey man," Parker smiled then frowned when he saw their hands. _

"_I'm Christopher Hobbs," Chris said to his date sweetly. "And this is my boyfriend Nathan Grey."_

"_Boyfriend," Parker laughed as she stuck her hand out. "Don't this is a joke." _

"_No it's not," Chris told him looking at Nathan with a deep sigh. "I'm gay…and I'm in love with Nathan."_

"_Are you an actor," the girl asked Nathan. "You look like this guy I did Romeo and Juliet with about two years ago."_

"_Tammy right," Nathan smiled getting her to nod and smile back. "You were the understudy for Juliet." _

"_What about Justin," Parker hissed now angry that they were just chit chatting. _

"_How about we talk about this sometime later," Chris smiled, looking over at Tammy. "It was nice to meet you."_

He told his father outside in a park with a bench between them but it did little for him. His father still lunged at him lucky for him a cop was walking by. Chris opened his eyes to taste blood, so glad that Nathan recommended the park. He filed charges against his father; he wanted to make sure he could not come near him. But that still did little for him because he lost everything. His mother refused to look at him and his father sold everything eh owned. Claimed that he bought it so eh had to right to do what he wanted with it. Chris moved in with Nathan; and life seemed to look up.

Then he heard about the bombing; he saw the name. Justin Taylor had been hurt but Chris knew he'd survive. Of course the next shock came when Nathan told him the news he heard on Liberty Ave. Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor were getting married in just a few weeks. Chris nodded at the announcement; though he knew it wasn't legal it still meant something. Chris sighed as he remembered when he found out the day; he wanted to meet up with Justin. Wanting to explain things to him; even went to Liberty Ave a few times. Saw him waiting table at the diner, saw him walking down the streets, but he could never muster up the courage.

"Hey baby," Nathan said walking into the room. "You already in bed…it's not even nine."

"I'm not feeling so good," Chris explained as Nathan looked up at him unbelieving.

"Could it have anything to do with what tomorrow is," Nathan asked knowing tomorrow was the four year anniversary of the prom.

"It might," Chris smiled as Nathan stripped down to his boxers.

"Someday you'll have to face him again," Nathan sighed cuddling up to him.

"Someday," Chris repeated kissing the top of his head.

Chris closed his eyes as his dreams were filled with bad memories, memories of when he was a lesser man. Dreams of when the lines of right and wrong were blurred. In the past four years Chris had learned that being a man didn't mean being with a woman and it did not mean you were the strongest. Being a man meant that you stood up for yourself; you were able to face your fears. Chris knew he was almost there because facing Justin Taylor was something he was not ready for. Truthfully he never knew if he would ever be able too, but maybe someday. Maybe someday he'd be the man that Nathan believed he was.

The End

**A/N:** Because I kept getting asked. I wrote this story before I ever watched or knew anything about QAF the UK version. So no that is not why I named Nathan, Nathan.


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